 UPDATED 6-22-06! UPDATED September 2008  
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It was horrible for me to see his slow, painful detereiration. I was spared many awful memories by not having much contact with him over the many years before his death in October of 1981. I wanted more contact with him, but he was sick and could only have me over for weekends every so often. I was devastated, even though I had known he had a terminal illness that he had already had several surgeries to try to beat it. I remember my mother coming into my room and thinking, "Oh boy, I am going to get grounded for how my room looks." Far from it. She had been quite silent and sat onto my bed and the next horrible thought came to me and I had to know, "How is Daddy? He's ok isn't he? Mom?" She did the most noble thing a woman who had been divorced from him for almost eight years, she shook her head and motioned me over to sit next to her. She knew she wouldn't have to tell me, because I was always worrying about how my father was doing because he lived all alone. I sat there and collasped into her warm embrace and began my journey into grief. I had never really faced death before this. Our family dog had apparently died during a vacation the summer after I successfully completed a second year of Kindergarten, all because of my December birthday, for those who don't already know it's Christmas Eve, the 24th. I was about to turn thirteen that year and I was not ready to say good-bye to the man I loved most in the world. Now just this year, 1999, my second father, Beda, passed from a series of small strokes, which eventually impaired his ability to eat and breathe. This man loved me so much and I want the world to know how important it is to set a good example for step children. It really does make a difference in the quality of life you and your family can achieve. Beda took the time to educate me about art, and showed me many incredible paintings from famous classic artists.
As my site evolves you will see many added links for various issues I feel strongly about and hopefully I can help others find the courage to do the right thing when it comes to choosing to put a loved one into a nursing facility with a non-reccessatation order from the doctor. Choosing not to have a feeding tube invading the course of nature, it traumatic for a family, but ours had to do just that for our beloved Matriach, Erma Kissling, who passed earlier this year. She'd been ill for a long time and had many problems. But as a family we discussed the best thing for us and for her. My grandmother was also an amputee, as was her sister, my great aunt Mary. They had lost their lower, left limbs during the early 80's to diabetic complications of healing wounds. I am the third woman on my mother's side of the family to lose their left leg, I am the youngest as well as the only one to lose it through traumatic accident. I was prepared in a way for living as an amputee years before I ever faced it personally. I had seen my relatives 'stumps' and could not help but put myself in their place and wonder what it must be like for them. My aunt died days after my motorcycle accident, and this knowledge was kept from until two months later. Diabetes is a terrible disease, but now more then ever there are many different ways to treat it and more then ever we are able to monitor blood sugar levels much more accurately to aviod having a sugar related attack. I hope that we soon have cures for both Cancer and Diabetes. I hope you enjoy sharing a little of my personal experience about how these relative's passings have affected my life and attitude towards living. I have a poem in the recent poetry section called, "Waiting for the Dirt," that describes my attitude about living as well as the other called, "Ultimate Thrill."
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Walter Hammersley, my father, was sick for a long time. It was hard for me to get to see him much. Mother would say he was sick and I knew it was true. He was quite a man and I am proud he was my father. He knew how to make me laugh and he cared enough to spend quality time with me whenever he could. Beda was also just like a father to me in his long relationship with me and my mother. We had almost 20 years as a family before things got bad for him healthwise, but that was many years after losing my father.
Beda gave me so much culture and wisdom during our relationship that I wished I could have cared for him more then I was able to. If you are a caregiver to a family member, I understand, I did my best to take care of Beda until he had a stroke which impaired his swallowing and they would not reccommend releasing him to my care when he needed constant supervision. I wish that there was more encouragement for those of us who genuinly want to take care of our loved ones, but can't find the medical support to make it happen.
I had a beautiful snow persion, who had the most beautiful long white hair. He had nowhere to go and would have been put down, but I told my friend's friend I would take him. His name at that time was Marshmellow and I found that name lacked dignity so he was renamed to Klondike. I loved him dearly, but knew when he finally started getting very weak and lethargic, that his feline leukemia was too much and he needed put down. Thankfully the Humane Society exists to put animals out of their pain. Felt like mentioning it here because of the cute gif I have that reminds me of Klondike.